Tonight, I took the family to the Dakota County Fair. We don't live in Dakota County, but my friends Kris and Chad used to, and they go every year. I haven't been for a long time -- before I'd met Jillann.

The fair is in Farmington. Every time I'm down that way, it brings back memories. The fair is only about a mile from where Cindy grew up, and of course, Farmington is only 13 miles from Northfield, where I went to college. I was in that area a lot back then.

I have fond memories of that time, in spite of how difficult my emotions made life for me. So whenever I think about those times, part of me wishes I could do portions of my life over. With, of course, the knowledge, wisdom and perspective I've acquired in the 20-some years since.

If I could rewind the clock, I think I'd like to have a chat with my parents sometime during my high school years. I'd say something like, "Mom, Dad. Here are my report cards for the last couple of years. I'm a good kid. I don't try to do things wrong. I make mistakes, but they aren't intentional. They're only the mistakes any good 17-year-old makes. Can you both please stop acting as if everything I do that's done differently than you might do it, isn't me intentionally trying to cause trouble? Can you stop assuming that I'm ever causing trouble? I'm a good kid. Unlike my older sister, I don't do drugs, I'm not fooling around, risking getting some girl pregnant. I'm a good kid. Treat me like one."

In high school, I would have asked more girls out. I wasn't a very successful dater. I did some asking, but I was asking the wrong girls. I should have asked the very sweet girl who sat behind me in math class, for instance. I should have asked some girls I didn't know very well, because that's how you get to know them. I should have been just a little more willing to accept "thank you, but no."

And maybe I could have gotten better at asking. Warn the girls I was going to ask them, or something. So they could let muddle with the idea first. I dunno. But I could have done more to date, and I should have done it.

A year or two later, I'd find myself a freshman at Carleton. But, I think before applying at Carleton, I would have asked Dad if we could afford it. Business took a downturn, and I think my going there was difficult for him.

Arriving at Carleton, I would have ignored the worst educational advice I've ever been given. The school told us certain languages would be valuable if we want to go on to graduate level work. I'm sorry, but that's bull hockey! Even if I'd become completely fluent in German, it would never have made my educational or professional life one iota more successful! I should have stuck to Spanish from the beginning.

Furthermore, I needed better study skills. Basically, my study skills sucked. They were non-existant. Heck, in high school, I didn't need them. I got 98% of all school work done during school. Who needed to study? I got A's most of the time, the occasional B when I got entirely too lazy. But I sure could have used better habits at Carleton. And I should have used those habits.

I'd still have worked for the computer center. That was probably the best career move I could ever have made.

Barbara Larkin and I should have spent more of our time together studying. I was away from the folks, finally experiencing freedom I'd never even imagined before. And there was this fabulous girl who truly liked me. We spent a lot of time togther, but we weren't studying. I think our relationship would have gone differently if we had both focused on getting good grades as our top priority. Instead, my top priority was finally having a social life. (No, that doesn't mean partying, and it certainly doesn't mean sex.)

Barbara Gavin was also very good to me and for me. I don't know if our relationship could have gone any differently, but I enjoyed our time together while it lasted.

I wouldn't have ever told Dave Nelson I was considering two jobs. Jumping forward a bit, not being completely successful at Daytons eventually led to consulting, which was a very good thing. But getting "B" reviews from Dave I directly attribute to him probably being offended when I didn't accept his job offer with more grace.

When we started Showpage, Jillann's title should have been, "VP of Operations." Not "President". And when we acquired the rights to the backup package, I should have asked for help. I should have talked to Ted, or even to Uncle Tom. I should have found someone who could have handled all the parts I couldn't do. Instead, we tried to bootstrap, and it failed when it should have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.

I should have fixed the stress with Jillann, no later than year 5.

And we should never have bought such an expensive house.

I never should have engaged in online chat rooms when Jillann and I had troubles, and most definitely I never should have dated Jackie. I loved her (and part of me still does, in spite of myself), but that was a mistake from the very beginning, possibly the worst mistake of my life, definitely competing with taking German and having no study skills.

I guess those are the big ones, the things in my life I'd do differently if I could. Points in my life where even a small change would have had a profound change in the later course of events.

Whenever I'm near Farmington, or whenever I drive past Northfield, I'm reminded of the things I miss, and the things I didn't experience as fully as I could have, if only I'd known...

But we don't get do-overs. And dwelling on the past is futile and depressing. So enough dwelling, until at least the next time I'm down that way, driving a road I drove (and hitch hiked) so many times, 20-some years ago.